Meet the "Nice Narcissist"

That person you can never win an argument with, is probably one of "these."

I might as well start at the beginning and tell you about how I did it all wrong.

As a kid, I was always in a hurry to grow up. I wanted to "get there" as soon as possible. Little did I know... I was making all the wrong decisions.

Now, I was dealing with an endlessly tormenting speech impediment that would refuse to let me speak in any kind of stressful situation. That made it difficult to pursue anything outside of staying in the "normal" lanes.

My problem was that I absolutely could not stand being so boxed in. I thought to myself, "I just went through four years of highly intensive, technical training, to get a degree, so I can come here and be told when I can & can't take a day off?"... "I have to wait until you let me make more money?"... "I can work as hard as I can, and still no raise?"... "This isn't working for me."

So I knew I had to do something different, but going up against my speech problem would eventually defeat my ambition... every time.

I dug deeper. I decided to go where I would not let myself go before. About as far outside my comfort zone I could handle.

I put myself in front of adult students every day, forcing myself to get over my "introduction problem". Even if it took almost 2 years. Worth it but wow... that's crazy to think about.

There came a moment where something changed. I let something go. I had fought it for so long that I just said screw it, I'm just doing this spontaneously.

Much to my surprise... it worked. Easily. Like I found some kind of switch to get over my fear of speaking... "now how do I get back to that?"

Now seriously digging in, I spent days and nights writing down every single question my mind could think of as to why this was happening.

That spontaneous moment gave me a glimpse into something... and I wanted to figure out how to get it back.

Digging in further, one evening, something jumped out at me from what I had written down... like a message within the message, and all of a sudden it hit me. BOOM. Like the lights suddenly came on.

Maybe some of my quotes have given you a little bit of that same feeling. That's what I'm striving for. Your self-empowerment. Because you can. You are FAR more capable than you think. Trust me. There is so much untapped potential in you, you won't know what to do with it. It all depends on how far you want to go.

Why did I go into all of that? Because first I have to pump you up in order for you to face your toughest test. I didn't get here "by default". I worked my butt off to bring you this information, and I'm giving it to you for almost nothing. Counseling will never get you here. Everything else is about "managing the current situation." Nothing is about learning how to defuse it, and the supreme confidence that comes over you when you do. What am I talking about?

Conflict.

The kind of conflict that keeps our lives on the sidelines, is the kind we don't know how to navigate.

The kind of conflict we don't know how to navigate, is the kind against the "Nice Narcissist".

They have carefully crafted their "personality" to figure out a way to "win at any cost."

They are nice bullies... and that melts our brain. The system locks up. Blue screen. Reboot required.

Then we just go back and forth between "keeping the peace" which really means avoiding the fights we refuse to look at.

That's not keeping any peace.

That's keeping unresolved conflict.

This is a person that will:

• Always blame you, no matter what happens.

• Never take responsibility, while making you feel bad for it.

• Always prioritizes work, finances, sports, etc. over the relationship.

• Always treats you like you are beneath them.

• Never really provides any constructive dialogue whatsoever.

• They make it exhausting to try and fight against.

• They make you feel like you can't win.

Sound familiar?

This, by the way is my approach, because I know how to "hack" it. I know how to get to the root of the problem. My way is faster, but you can also do it yourself.

So how do we deal with people like this? How can we try to get them to see things from our perspective? How do we break through? Can we even do that?

We can. But it requires rolling up your sleeves.

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